[ biting the inside of her cheek until the impulse to make terrible Biblical-themed apple jokes passes. THE EYEBROWS ARE STAYING VERY FIRMLY UP, THOUGH ]
That isn't actually a term I'm familiar with... regional differences, maybe?
...No? I mean, I dunno. I guess you could argue either way. When people die, see, they're supposed to go to the Far Shore - the afterlife. Some of them, though, get unlucky and get stuck in the place in between the two shores; that's where things like ghosts, phantoms, and gods like me live. Most of them'll wander around, no memories, no anything, and eventually get eaten up by phantoms or turn into one themselves.
...Or, a god can Name them, can use their life to give that spirit a place to belong--'you, with nowhere to go and nowhere to return to'... it's like that.
[ he dims a little himself, here, gaze casting away across the ground ]
And I mean... we're connected one directionally; we'll feel every emotion they feel, we'll hurt when they hurt, and any time they do something they don't believe is right, we get stung. I could end up so sick I died from it, depending on how much they hated what I was tryin' to make them do...
[ stretching, abruptly, and giving herself a shake ]
Like I said, it isn't a bad concept now that you've explained it more. It's just... I've fought pretty hard to be the person I am now from a point not too unlike what you described. And I'm proud of that effort, and I'm proud of the results. So... the thought of potentially being snapped up and having that path smoothed out, having those things not happen... I don't know. Even if I would have been happy...
[ ...mm. she chuckles a little under her breath ]
Well, it's more than a little pointless to get fussy over something that didn't happen. I'm sorry about that.
Oh, it's definitely not smooth. Yukine's put a lot of fight and energy into becoming the person he is, too. If anything, being with me probably just made it harder on him. But he's--turned into a really good kid. I'm super proud of him, I hope he's super proud of himself, too. Either way--I can't change him. He has to do that himself. You would have been okay.
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[ not that she's exactly in great shape herself, but that choice of words is mildly concerning ]
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That isn't actually a term I'm familiar with... regional differences, maybe?
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oh.
her expression doesn't change, but her eyes do flicker slightly— a little darker, a little duller. ]
... I see. Isn't that somewhat unkind to them, though...?
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...Or, a god can Name them, can use their life to give that spirit a place to belong--'you, with nowhere to go and nowhere to return to'... it's like that.
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And I mean... we're connected one directionally; we'll feel every emotion they feel, we'll hurt when they hurt, and any time they do something they don't believe is right, we get stung. I could end up so sick I died from it, depending on how much they hated what I was tryin' to make them do...
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...more or less making the best of a bad situation, then. I suppose it depends on the feelings of the individual in question.
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I'm sorry, I didn't intend to imply that you would. I more meant... in general, I suppose.
... I actually started out as a ghost, so. You can probably see why I'm being less than graceful about the concept.
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Somebody wanting you, somebody naming you, giving something of themself to keep you with them, being that important to them.... that might feel nice
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... it is.
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Like I said, it isn't a bad concept now that you've explained it more. It's just... I've fought pretty hard to be the person I am now from a point not too unlike what you described. And I'm proud of that effort, and I'm proud of the results. So... the thought of potentially being snapped up and having that path smoothed out, having those things not happen... I don't know. Even if I would have been happy...
[ ...mm. she chuckles a little under her breath ]
Well, it's more than a little pointless to get fussy over something that didn't happen. I'm sorry about that.
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Oh, it's definitely not smooth. Yukine's put a lot of fight and energy into becoming the person he is, too. If anything, being with me probably just made it harder on him. But he's--turned into a really good kid. I'm super proud of him, I hope he's super proud of himself, too. Either way--I can't change him. He has to do that himself. You would have been okay.
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[ a beat, and then she adds in the driest tone possible: ]
...I'm also something of a control freak as far as my autonomy goes, so there's that. Of course the thought gives me hives.